Dallasblack.com:  10 Things You Should Never Say to a Woman You Work With
Tuesday, September 18, 2012

10 Things You Should Never Say to a Woman You Work With

By: complex.com

 10 Things You Should Never Say to a Woman You Work With
Chanting "Bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks" in your car is no biggie, but if you're mumbling it by the water cooler, in a work environment with living, breathing women, you need to exercise a little more sensitivity. Hell, a lot more sensitivity.



We'd give you the benefit of the doubt, but we've seen too many men incriminate themselves. So, we're calling out the boys that make degrading comments masquerading as assertions of manliness and leave women feeling creeped out in their cubicles. Cut that shit out: These are 10 things you should never say to a woman you work with.


Showing her who's (not) boss

He says: "In my dick’s book, you’re the employee of the month. And we all know that's the only book that matters."
Your handbook calls it: Sex as an implied condition for promotion
She calls it: A perfectly good excuse to punch you in the gonads
Why you're wrong: You're an egotistical sexual predator that will make her want to quit before the month is up. Adiós, employee retention! Plus, did you just say your dick has an autobiography? Really?


Let's talk about sex

He says: "I can't concentrate today. I haven't had sex in, like, for-ev-er. The old lady is being sting-ay with the boo-hoo-tay!"
Your handbook calls it: Offensive jokes, pictures, graffiti, and/or comments
She calls it: ...did you just pronounce booty like R. Kelly circa 2000??
Why you're wrong: Talking about your sex life is always off-limits, but complaining about your lacking sex life turns your inappropriate over hare into an invitation. Play it safe and look for sympathy for your neglected penis elsewhere. Or better yet, nowhere.


A very personal day


He says: “Is it your time of the month? Maybe you should have taken a personal day…”
Your handbook calls it: Rude treatment of women because of gender
She calls it: OH, HELL NO
Why you're wrong: Haven't spent much time around women, huh? Though you may have intended this to be a sympathetic nod to her fluctuating hormones, she'll interpret it as a sexist insult of the highest order (because it is). You saying her inability to control her unruly hormones is getting in the way of her work is akin to her asking if your blue balls are getting in the way of your productivity. Although, if you're saying shit like this, they probably are


Scent of a woman

He says: "You smell just like my ex-girlfriend."
Your handbook calls it: Comments and remarks of a sexual nature that refer to a person’s physical appearance and/or genitalia
She calls it: Prelude to a restraining order
Why you're wrong: Are we talking perfume, pheromones...sexual odor? Either way, this is a clear indication that you want to be as close to her as possible, and in that special "It puts the lotion on its skin" way. Your wafting is optional, her overt disgust is a given.


The not-so-clandestine foot fetish


He says: "Your feet are so small. Are you a dancer?"
Your handbook calls it: Being fixated on a co-worker
She calls it: A spoken craigslist ad for your kinks
Why you're wrong: You may have majored in modern ballet, but if you're coming out of the box with observations about her delicate arches, she won't think you're referring to a possible shared hobby. She'll think you're the type of dude to get high on the scent of her dirty socks, leading to folks avoiding your cubicle like it has SARS.



Have you seen my stapler?

He says: "My dick is definitely bigger than this stapler."
Your handbook calls it: Unwelcome sexual advances
She calls it: Fan fiction for yourself
Why you're wrong: Some part of you believes that illustrating your penis size in terms of office supplies might get her imagination going, and you're right. The second you drop a comparison, she'll immediately see the move for what it is—overcompensation. Stapler? More like an eraser head. If you're asserting your manliness in this way, we can only assume you're a little boy underneath it all.



The precursor

He says: Anything followed by “That doesn’t count as sexual harassment, does it?” or “Don’t report me.”
Your handbook calls it: Too many entries to list
She calls it: Sexual harassment
Why you're wrong: Like a mean-spirited insult followed by "no offense", tacking this onto the end of your sentence immediately signals you've said something offensive. Likewise, prefacing "Your ass sends shock waves up my body" with "I totally don't mean this in a sexist way" does not nullify your offense; rather, it takes it to another echelon of douchtasticness.



The bigger, the better

He says: "Wow, you can really eat. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I totally respect thick girls.”
Your handbook calls it: Creating a hostile work environment
She calls it: A quick way to lose her appetite
Why you're wrong: If she takes you at face value, it scans as a creepy comment about appreciating her ass. If not, she thinks you've just called her fat. It's safe to say neither work in your favor.



The "tech glitch"

He says: After "accidentally" forwarding porn: "I didn't know you'd be offended. This has nothing do with real life!"
Your handbook calls it: Offensive jokes, pictures, graffiti, and/or comments
She calls it: Way too much insight into your after-hours routine
Why you're wrong: Trying to get her heated during office hours? Congratulations, it worked. If she doesn't smack you upside the head, she'll be sure to share your porn habits with the break room crew. Now when you think people are laughing behind your back, they actually will be.



Supervising Her Skirt

He says: "Your skirt is not within dress code, but I'm 100 percent okay with that. One. Hundred. Percent."
Your handbook calls it: Enforcing dress code
She calls it: As smooth as a teenager with a speech impediment
Why you're wrong: You think your little comment slipped through the cracks disguised as a note dressing on business casual, but in actuality, she thinks you'll be home tonight jerking it to her calf muscles. Now you're an asshole, and that guy rumored to have a cankle fetish.


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